


You Said You Needed Some Space

by monaboyd_archivist



Category: The Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Post-Filming Lord of the Rings (Movies), Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-03-31
Updated: 2004-03-31
Packaged: 2018-04-11 13:28:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4437170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monaboyd_archivist/pseuds/monaboyd_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Billy needs some space. Dom angsts. Gratuitous Shadow references.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Said You Needed Some Space

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Shirasade: this story was originally archived at the Monaboyd.net Archive, which was closed in September 2014 due to software issues and a lack of new submissions for several years . To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in October 2014. I e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact me using the e-mail address on the Monaboyd.net Archive collection profile.

It's not like they were breaking up. He just needed his space for a bit, that's all. He'd come back. He just can't do it right now.

Dom understands, he does. But that doesn't mean he's happy with it.

Billy needed space. 5115 miles of it. That's how far it is from L.A. to Glasgow. It's not too long when you fly (because of course they were always together), but it might as well be the distance from the Earth to the sun when he told him, "Don't come, don't call."

They gave him a pamphlet when his grandmother died. The Five Stages of Grief.

Stage one is denial. What's that? Nice one, Billy. You wouldn't leave. You couldn't. It's not funny anymore, Billy.

Stage two is anger. How could you be so selfish? You're just going to run away? You're a spineless coward, Billy.

Stage three is bargaining. Please, don't leave. Stay in a hotel, stay away from me if you want, but don't go. I'll do anything, Billy.

Stage four is depression. He's stuck right here. He doesn't shower, doesn't eat. Doesn't call his friends, or go out. He sits on the couch with bottles of booze spread out on the coffee table in front of him and watches soap operas. And he cries. Whole-body crying. He shakes with it. Snot runs out of his nose and he doesn't wipe it away. He's a mess.

Stage five is acceptance, but he refuses to accept this. He's not Dom anymore, hasn't been for a long time. It's Domandbilly, Billyanddom. He writes his name out as Dominic Boyd and laughs at himself.

_You said you needed some space._

Billy's a spaceman. He can spend hours, days, weeks alone and come up smiling. Dom's gasping for air.

The phone is ringing, but he doesn't answer it. He might if there was the smallest chance that it might be him, but Billy made it very clear that he wouldn't be doing that for a long time.

5115 miles. Dom wonders what that translates to in time. If it's a day per mile, that's fourteen years. He remembers being fourteen. He got his first girlfriend then. It wasn't anything special, but they'd hold hands and kiss in the hallways, and she'd watch him play football after school, and they talked about their dreams. She wanted to be a veterinarian.

She broke up with him after nine months. "You're suffocating me," she said. "Why do we always have to be together?

Because I love you. Isn't it right to want to be with the person you love?

In the soaps, they do anything to be with the person they love. Lie, cheat, steal. Drug. Murder. It never works out in the end, of course. Something's always waiting around the bend to break them up.

Dom stays up for days on end, and then sleeps it off. His skin is turning sallow, and his hair keeps falling in his eyes. He's starting to smell rather awful. His flat's in a sorry state. He was pouring juice and spilled it on the counter, so he swiped the glass onto the floor and it shattered into pieces. He doesn't go in the kitchen anymore.

When his mates went through a bad break-up, Dom always knew what to say to cheer them up for a bit, and then he'd take them out to a pub and within a week the heartbroken fellow would be out chasing skirts again.

***

Acceptance. He showers and shaves, does a load of laundry. Makes a few calls. He writes 'Stage 5' on his hand and goes out dancing. He brings a girl home and does it on the kitchen table and kicks her out after. He does a few jobs, bit parts in TV shows. Reads scripts.

He writes the ending to their _script_ , and leaves it sitting on his hard drive. It would be too difficult to figure out the rights. He's glad they didn't have property or children.

He turns down a leading role in a picture because it's being filmed in Scotland, 5115 miles away.

Sometimes he'll pick up a magazine and there will be a blurb or two. 'Where are they now?' Elijah makes his directorial debut. Orlando gets married and breaks the hearts of thousands. Viggo writes a book. Sean has another baby and wins an Oscar. Billy gets his space.

***

The phone is ringing.

"Could you send me the script? My computer crashed and I didn't back it up,"

No 'Hi, sorry I walked out on you. How's it been?' He doesn't even say his name.

"I finished it,"

"Ahh. Mind if I take a look? I have a director friend who's interested in it."

Dom sends the script. It would be a shame if it all came to nothing. It's a good script. Funny, witty. Perfect for the market right now.

They set up a meeting. The 5115 miles of space between then has dwindled to a foot. Billy looks happy and healthy, if a bit pale. He's older now, almost forty, but he still looks like he could be in his twenties. The director certainly is. He's enthusiastic, has a lot of ideas.

A million thoughts are racing through his head. He thinks he might go mad if they don't talk about it soon. Finally, he can't take it anymore. The young director goes to the bathroom.

"So, how's space treating you, Billy?"

Billy stares at him a moment, then takes a big gulp of his drink and looks at the sheaf of papers on the table. He lets out a long, suffering sigh.

"I want to buy the rights from you. Make me an offer, and it can be done today. I don't want to drag this out, but technically I can go ahead with it anyway. But I don't want to screw you over."

Dom stands up angrily and knocks over the chair. People stare. The director is coming out of the bathroom as Dom stalks past.

He gets in his car but doesn't start it. Leaning his head back, he starts to cry. Not heaving sobs, just a few silent tears running down his cheeks. What did he expect, that Billy would say he's sorry and they'd pick up where they left off?

He's probably fucking the director. Calls him by a cute nickname and teases him with Glaswegian slang. They lie in bed at night and talk about their past relationships. "Ah, Dom. He was a suffocating little bastard. Glad I got rid of him before he dragged me down the aisle or something. God, you should have seen how pathetic he was. So we had a few shags. It's not like he was anything special."

They'll change the ending and his name won't even show up in the credits.

***

Dom assumes that the space has grown back to 5115 miles again. That's 8233 kilometres. Or maybe he's still in L.A., scouting talent and locations. They had planned to shoot it in New Zealand. But plans change.

He calls his mum. He hasn't talked to her about any of this. He tells her the whole story in a flat voice, but she can hear the full range of his emotions anyway. Her advice: " _Nolite te bastardes carborundorum_." Don't let the bastards grind you down.

He has to call Elijah for Billy's number. "It's business," he says. Elijah doesn't ask any questions. He probably knows what's going on already.

It takes him a bit to work up the nerve to dial the number. He needs one good stiff drink, not enough to get him drunk but enough to fortify him.

He gets voicemail. His message is quick and to the point. "You're not getting that script without a fight, and believe me, baby; they don't make lawyers like L.A. lawyers."

***

It takes a few weeks for the paperwork to go through, to sort out the jurisdiction and such. A trial date is set. He buys a new suit and his mum flies in to sit with him. The morning of the first court date, he looks in the mirror as he shaves and wonders 'Where the fuck did we go wrong?'

There are a few reporters with cameras outside the courthouse and he takes the time to put on a charming smile and give his side of the story. He deftly makes Billy out to be the bad guy without actually saying so. His mum gives him a stiff hug before they enter the court room and he walks confidently to his lawyers in the front of the courtroom. Billy is nowhere to be seen.

The judge comes in and he rises and sits back down. The fat, balding man sitting at the defendant's table asks to speak to the judge, and Dom's lawyer joins him for a few minutes of whispered conversation.

The judge announces "This case is settled. Rights are awarded to Dominic Monaghan. Court is dismissed."

He sits there in shock, no quite sure what just happened. The bald lawyer comes over and plunks the manuscript down in front of him.

His mother seems happy. "See, if you put a foot down, few will stand up to you." Maybe that's what he should have done in the first place.

***

_I'm the shadow in the corner of the room._  
I'm the reason you feel sick in the morning.  
I'm the panic attack at the end of the day. 

_You needed some space, huh?_

_I loved you._  
And now you're gone.  
And I see you  
everywhere. 

 

He thumbs through the script. It's mostly unchanged from the version he sent Billy. He gets up for another cup of coffee and returns to the story. He's at the part where the two friends start a philosophical conversation.

He turns the page and thinks he might be hallucinating.

 

BILLY: I'm sorry, Dom. I didn't want to hurt you, and I definitely didn't want things to end up like this. I don't really have an explanation for you. I wish I did. I suppose I could say I was scared. You were right, I am a spineless coward. I couldn't deal with it. Us. I guess I thought something bad would happen, that you'd decide you wouldn't want me anymore. I couldn't bear the thought of being rejected, so I did it to you first. I wanted to go away and see how long it would take for you to ask me to come back, but you didn't.

I said I needed space. But I guess all I really needed was for you to fill that space.

I love you.

 

Dom doesn't cry. He picks up the phone and rings Elijah. Asks him to come over. Blue eyes scan the page.

"What do you want me to say, Dom? It's an apology. Are you going to accept it?"

"I- I- can't. Too much time, too much space."

He feels sick. The room is spinning, and Elijah blurs as tears come to his eyes.

_All I really needed was for you to fill that space._

***

He makes Elijah phone. Voicemail again. "Hey Bill, we should talk." Leaves Dom's address. Billy wouldn't know it; he's moved since the last time he was at Dom's.

Elijah answers the door. Hugs him. Smiles. Leaves. Billy looks baffled until he sees Dom sitting in the shadows.

"Did you find my note?" He takes a tentative step closer. Dom can see his lower lip quivering.

"Yeah. I don't think it fits in with the movie though,"

Billy laughs nervously. Dome stands up and walks over to him, so close that he can smell the fabric softener on Billy's t-shirt.

"I didn't think I could fill the space of 5115 miles. That's a long way, you know. Fourteen years,"

Billy gulps, and his adam's apple bobs up and down. Dom leans closer.

"But an inch. That's like a second. I can fill the space of an inch. You won't make a joke about that if you know what's good for you."

Billy closes his eyes, but he smiles a bit at the last part.

The inch is closed in less than a second. Lips touch lips softly.

"You can have all the space you want, Billy Boyd, but you'll have to share it with me."


End file.
